“There was no Gran. That was me, me in mirror. Me—ancient, creased, and withered, Edward stood beside me, casting no reflection, excruciatingly lovely and forever seventeen.And now that I had hit, it was even worse than I’d feared it would be. I could felt it. I was older. Everyday I got older, but this was different, worse, quantifiable. I was eighteen and Edward never would be.
“Getting older,” I answered anyway, and my voice was not as steady as I wanted it to be, beside me Edward’s smile tightened into hard line” Eighteen is not very old,” Alice said.” Don’t woman usually wait still they are twenty nine to get upset over birthday?” it’s older than Edward, I mumbled. He sighed.
“And I supposed…if I could be sure of the future I wanted, sure that I would get to spend forever with Edward, and Alice and the rest of the Cullen (preferably not as a winkled little old lady)…then a year or two one direction or the other would not matter to me so much. But Edward was dead set against any future that changed me. Any future that made me like him¬¬—that me immortal, too.
“As the day progressed, I considered ways to get out of whatever was going down at the Cullen house tonight. It would be bad enough to have to celebrate when I was in the mood to mourn. But worse than that, this was sure to involve attention and gifts. Attention is never a good thing, as any other accident prone klutz would agree. No one wants a spotlight when they are likely on their face.
“I shook my head——as if I could shake away the bad memories—and tried to grasp what Edward meant. My stomach plunged uncomfortably. ’’Contingency plan? I repeated. Well, I wasn’t going to live without you” he rolled his eyes as if that fact were childishly obvious. But I wasn’t sure how to do it —I knew Emmet and jasper would never help—so I was thinking may be I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Voltery. I did not want to believe he was serious, but his golden eyes was brooding, focused on something far away in the distance as he completed ways to end his own life. Abruptly, I was furious.
“My eyes turned to horror, I took his marble face between my hands and held it very tightly. You must never, never, never thing of anything like that again!” I said” No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt your self!” I will never put you in danger again, so it’s a moot point.” Put me in danger! I thought we’d established that all the bad luck is my fault? I was getting angrier.” How dare you even think like that? even if I were died, was impossibly painful.
“What would you do, if the situation were reserved? he asked” that’s not the same thing” he did not seem to understand the difference. He chucked.” What if something did happen to you? “I blanched at the thought “would you want me to go off myself?”A trace of pain touched his perfect features.” I guess I see your point …a little”, he admitted. ”But what would I do without you?” whatever you were doing before I came a long and complicated your existence”. He sighed” you make that sound so easy.” It should be. I’m not really that interesting”
“Edward decide to change the subject. “so, if you won’t let me get you the Audi, isn’t there anything that you’d like for your birthday?” the words come out in whisper.” You know what I want.” A deep frown carved creases into his marble forehead. The obviously wished he’d stuck to the subject of Rosalie, It felt like we had this argument a lot today. Not thing, Bella. Pleas.” Well, may be Alice will give me what I want. “ Edward growled—a deep menacing sound. “ this is not going to be your last birthday, Bella.” He vowed that’s not fair.
“The silence was making me insane.” Say something,” I finally begged as he turned onto the freeway. What do you want to me to say?” he asked in detached voiced. I cringed at his remoteness. Tell me you forgive me.” That brought a flicker of life to his face—a flicker of anger. ”forgive you? For what?” if I’d been more careful, nothing would have happened. ”Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut—that that hardly deserve the death penalty.” It’s my fault my words opened up the floodgate.
“if you‘d tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own-¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬—without someone throwing you into them even then, what’s the worst? You’d get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up¬— and he would not be fighting the urge to kill you the hole time he was there. Don’t try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself.“Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton could be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with,” he growled. I ‘d rather die then be with Mike Newton,” I protested. ” I’d rather die than be with anyone but you.” don’t be melodramatic, please” well then, don’t you be ridiculous.
I felt absolutely hideous in the morning, I had not slept well: my arm burned and my head ached. It did not help my out look that Edward’s face was smooth and remote as he kissed my forehead quickly and ducked out my window.I was afraid of the time I’d spent unconscious afraid that he might have been thinking about right and wrong again while he watched me sleep. The Anciently seemed to ratchet up the intensity of the pounding in my head.
“I swallowed, trying to dislodge the sudden lump in my throat. The guilt made my head bow and my shoulders slump. I’d run them out of their home, just like Rosalie and Emmet. I was plague.
“I tried to get control of myself, to reason with myself what’s the worst that can happen? I flinched that was definitely the wrong question to ask. I was having a hard time breathing right.Okay, I thought again, what’s the worst I can live through? I did not like that question so much, either. But I thought through the possibilities I’d considered today.
Okay,” I said.’’ I’ll come with you”. You can’t Bella. Where we are going—it’s not the right place for you”. Where you are is the right place for me”. I’m not good for you Bella”. Don’t be ridiculous. ”I wanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like I was begging.” You are the very best part of my life.” My world is not for you. ”He said grimly. “What happened with Jasper—that was nothing, Edward! Nothing! You are right,” he agreed.” It was exactly what was to be expected.”You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay—“as long as that was best for you.” He interrupted to correct me.
“No! This about my soul, isn’t it? I shouted, furious, the words exploding out of me —somehow it still sounded like plea.” Carlisle told me about that, and I don’t care, Edward. I don’t care! You can have my soul. I don’t want it without you—-it’s yours already!”Bella I don’t want you come with me. “He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.“you don’t want me? I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order. “No”.
“But what happened the other night made me realize that it’s time for a change. Because I’m—-tired of pretending to be something I’m not, Bella. I’m not human. ’’he looked back, and the icy planes of his perfect face were and I’m sorry for that.
“Keep your promise. ”the voice was slipping away, as if the volume was being turned down on radio. I began to suspect that was having some kind of hallucination triggered, no doubt by the memory—the De’javu, the strange familiarity of the situation. I ran through the possibilities quickly in my head.Option one: I was crazy that was the laymen’s term for people who heard voice in their head possible.Option two: My subconscious mind was giving me what I thought I wanted. This was wish fulfillment —a memory relief from pain by embracing the incorrect idea that be cared whether I lived or died. Projecting what he would have said if A he were here, and B he would be in anyway bothered by something bad happening to me.
“I always had nightmares now, every night. Not nightmares really, not in the plural, because it was always the same nightmare. You’d think I’d get bored after so many moths, grow immune to it. but the dream never failed to horrify Charlie didn’t come in to see what was wrong anymore to make sure there was no intruder strangling me or something like that—he was used to it now.
“The physical evidence was the most insignificance part of the equation. I was changed, even my outsides looked different —-my face sallow, white except for the people circles the nightmares had left under my eyes. My eyes were dark enough against my pallid skin that—if I were beautiful, and seen from distance—I might even pass for vampire now.
“My nightmare probably wouldn’t even frighten someone else nothing jumped out and screamed, ”Boo!” there were no zombie no ghost, no psychopaths. There was nothing, really only nothing. Just the endless maze of moss—covered trees, so quiet that the silence was an uncomfortable pressure against my eardrums. It was dark, like dust on a cloudy day, with only enough light to see that there was nothing to see. I hurried through the gloom without a path, always searching, getting more frantic as the time stretched on, then there would come the pain in my dream-and I could feel it coming now, but could never seem to wake myself up before it hit—when I could remember what it was that I was searching for. When I realized that there was nothing to search for. And nothing to find.
“The motorcycle was better than I’d dreamed. It had served It’s original purpose. I’d created —broken my promise. I’d been needlessly reckless. I felt a little less pathetic now that the promise had been broken on both sides.And then to discover the key to the hallucination! At least, I hoped I had. I was going to test the theory as soon as possible. May be they’d get through with me quickly in the ER, and I could try again tonight.
“How could I explain so that he would understand? I was an empty shell, like a vacant house—-condemned—for moths I’d been utterly uninhabitable. Now I was little improved. The front of was in better repaired, but that was all—just the one small piece. He deserved better than that —better then one room, falling down fixer—upper. No amount of investment on his part could put me back in working order. Yet I know that I wouldn’t send him away, regardless. I need too much and I was selfish.
“How much I wished that Jacob Black had been born my brother, my flesh—and blood brother, so that I would have some legitimate claim on him that still left me free of any blame now, heaven knows I had never waited to use Jacob, but I couldn’t help bit I interpret the guilt I felt now to mean that I had. Even more. I had never meant to love him, one thing I truly knew—-knew it in the fit of my stomach, in the center of my head to the soles my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest—was how love gave someone the power to break you. But I need Jacob now, needed him like a drug. I’d used him as a crutch for too long, and I was in deeper than I’d planned to go with anyone again.
“The dreams got hard again, I could no longer see the end coming. Just the horrible nothingness—half the time in the forest, half the time in the empty fern sea where the white house no longer existed. Sometimes Sam Uley was there in the forest, watching me again. I paid him no attention there was no comfort in his presence; it made me feel no less a lone, it didn’t stop me from screaming myself awake, night after night.
“I thought we were friend,” we were”. There was a slight emphasis on the past tense.” But you don’t need friends anymore” I said sourly.” You have seen the light, Halleluyah” it was not like I thought it was, this is not Sam fault. He is helping me as much as he can.” His voice turned brittle and he looked over my head, past me, rage burming out from his eyes. “he is helping you,” I repeated dubiously” naturally.” But Jacob didn’t seem to be listening. He was taking deep, deliberate breaths, trying to calm him self. He was so mad that his hands were shaking.
“You are wrong,” he snapped back. “don’t you dare tell me I’m wrong –I’m not the one who got brainwashed! Tell me now whose fault this all is, if it’s not your precious Sam!” you asked for it,” he growled at me, eyes glinting hard.” If you want to blame someone, why don’t you point tour finger at those filthy, reeking bloodsuckers that you love so much?” my mouth fell open and breath came out with a whooshing sound. I was frozen in place stabbed through with his double-edged words, the pain twisted I familiar patterns through my body, the jagged hole ripping me open the inside out, but I was second places, background music to chaos of my thoughts, I couldn’t believe that I’d heard him correctly. There was no trace of indecision in his face. Only fury,my mouthy still hung wide.” I told you that you didn’t want to hear that,” He said. “ I don’t understand who you mean,” I whispered. He raised one eyebrow in disbelieve. I think you understand exactly who I mean, you are not going to make say it, are you? I don’t like hurt you.
“Go home.”Bella. I can’t hang out with you anymore.” The silly, inconsequential hurt was incredibly potent. The tears welled up again.” Are you—breaking up with me? The words are all wrong, but they were best way I could think to phrase what I was asking. After all, what Jake and I had was more than any schoolyard romance. Stronger. He barked out bitter laugh.” Hardly. If that were the case, I’d say let’s stay friend,” I can’t even say that”.
“Not as bad, I agreed, then added, but bad enough I’d thought Jake had been healing the hole in me—or that least plugging it up, keeping it from hurting me so much. I’d been wrong. He’d just been carving out his own hole, so that I was now riddled through like Swiss cheese. I wondered why I didn’t crumble into pieces.
“Bella I made a promise. I had no idea it would be so hard to keep, but do that doesn’t meant I’m not going to try. ”he saw the incomprehension in my face. ”after that stupid movie” He reminded me”. I promised you that I would not ever hurt you. So I really blew it this afternoon, did not it?
“There had never been one moment that I wasn’t completely aware that Edward Cullen was above and beyond the ordinary it was not so obviously was something. But Jacob? Jacob, who was just Jacob, and nothing more than that? Jacob, my friend? Jacob, the only human I’d ever been able to relate to…And he was not even human, I fought the urge to scream again. What did this say about me? I knew the answer to that one. It said that there was something deeply wrong with me.
“Why do you do that?” he asked. He tugged lightly at one of my arms, which was bone around my chest, and the gave up when it would not came loose easily. I had not even realized I’d moved them. ”You do that when you are upset, why? “it hurts to think about them. ”I whispered. “it’s like I can’t breathe—like I’m breaking into pieces—-“it was bizarre how much I could tell Jacob now, we had no more secrets.
“No! Bella, No!”My ears were flooded with the freezing water, but his voice clearer than ever. I ignored his words and concentrated on the sound of his voice. Why would I fight when I was so happy where I was? Even as my lungs burned for more air and my legs cramped in the icy cold, I was content. I’d forgotten what real happiness felt like. Happiness, it made the whole dying thing pretty bearable.
“Stop!” I gasped.It was a black car–a car I knew. I might be furthest thing from an autophile, but I could tell you everything about that particular.It’s was a Carlisle’s car. Stop! I cried again, louder this time, because Jacob was gunning the truck down the street.“What?”It’s not Victoria. Stop, stop! I want to go back.” He stomped on the brake so hard I had to catch myself against the dashboard.“What?” he asked again, aghast. He stared at me with horror in his eyes.”it’s Carlisle’s car! It’s the Cullen. I know it.” He watched dawn break a cross my face, and violent tremor rocked his frame.
There’s vampire in your house,” Jacob hissed. ”And you want to go back?”I glanced at him, tripping my unwilling eyes off the marcedes—terrified that it would disappear the second I looked away.“of course,” I said, my voice blank with surprise at his question. Of course I wanted to go back. Jacob’s face hardened while I stared at him, congealing into the bitter mask that I’d thought was gone for good. Just before he had the mask in place, I caught the spasm of betrayal that flashed in his eyes older than me.
“Well, you both smile to me. ”I rested my head against him again. I was going to miss him terrible when he walked out my door. It was a nasty catch-22—on the one hand, I wanted Alice to stay forever. I was going to die—metaphorically—when she left me. But now was I supposed to go without seeing Jake for any length of time? What a mess, I thought again. I’ll miss you, ”Jacob whispered, echoing my thoughts. “Every minute. I hope she leaves soon.
“I recovered myself and held out my hand for the phone Jacob ignored me. “he’ no here ,”Jacob said, and the words were menacing. There was some very short reply, a request for more information it seemed, because he added unwillingly, ”He is at the funeral. Then Jacob hung up the phone. “filthy bloodsucker,” he muttered under his breath. The face he turned back to me was the bitter mask again.
Who did you just hung up on? I gasped, infuriated. ”in my house, and on my phone?”“easy! He hung up on me!”He? Who was it?!” he sneered the title. “Dr. Charlisle Cullen.”Why didn’t you let me talk to him?!He didn’t ask for you, ”jacob said coldly. His face was smooth, expressionless, but his hand shook. “he asked where Charlie was I told him. I don’t think I broke any rules of etiquette.” You listen to me, Jacob black.
“Bella,” Alice whispered. “Edward won’t call again. He believed her.” I don’t understand,” my mouth framed each word in silence. I couldn’t push the air out the actually say the words that would make her explain what that meant.“He is going to Italy”It took the length of one heartbeat for me to comprehend.Well, I was not going to live without you, he’d said as we watched Romeo and Juliet die, here in this very room. But I was not sure how to do it—I know Emmet and Jasper would never help—so I was thinking may be I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Voltery. You don’t irritate them, not unless you want to die. Not unless you want to die.
“And would it really matter that Alice was willing, would it make any difference if I did become vampire, when the idea was so repulsive to Edward? If death was, To him, A better alternative than having me around forever, an immortal annoyance? Terrified as I was, I felt myself sinking down into depression, drowning in it.
“He sighed, but the reaction was not as strong as I would have imagined after his response to Victoria. The voltery are only the second greatest?” you don’t seem that upset about it,” I noted. “ well, we have plenty of time to think it through, time means something very different to them that it does to you, or even me. They count years the way you count days, I wouldn’t be surprised if you more thirty before you crossed their mind again,” he added lightly.Horror washed through me, thirty. So his promises meant nothing, in the end. If I were going to run thirty someday, then he couldn’t be planning on staying long. The harsh pain of his knowledge made me realize that I’d already begun to hope, without giving myself permission to d o, “ you don’t have to be afraid, ”he said, anxious as he watched the tears dew up again on the rims of my eyes” I won’t let them hurt you”.
“Not that there is any excuse for what I left you to face when I heard what you told Alice—what she saw herself—when I realized that you had to put your life in the hands of werewolves, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself—he shuddered and the gush of words halted for a short second I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arms, I am the most miserable excuse for—“Stop,” I interrupted him, he stared at me with agonized eyes, and I tried to find the right words—the words that would free him from his imagined obligation tat caused him so much pain.
“Only then, as I looked at the bigger picture, did I notice then huge guilt frame that enclosed my grandmother’s form. Uncomprehending, I raised the hand that wasn’t wrapped Edward’s waist and reached out to touch her, she mimicked the movement exactly, mirrored it, but where our fingers should have met, there was nothing but cold glass….With a dizzying jolt, my dream abruptly became a nightmare.“There was no Gran. That was me, me in mirror. Me—ancient, creased, and withered, Edward stood beside me, casting no reflection, excruciatingly lovely and forever seventeen.And now that I had hit, it was even worse than I’d feared it would be. I could felt it. I was older. Everyday I got older, but this was different, worse, quantifiable. I was eighteen and Edward never would be.
“Just a dream, I told myself. It was only a dream. I took a deep breath, and then jumped again when my alarm went off. The little calendar in the corner of the clock’s display informed me that today was September thirteenth.Only a dream, but prophetic enough in one way, at least today was my birthday. I was officially eighteen years old. I’d been dreading this day for months.And now that I had hit, it was even worse than I’d feared it would be. I could felt it. I was older. Everyday I got older, but this was different, worse, quantifiable. I was eighteen and Edward never would be.
“Shoot,” I muttered when the paper sliced my finger; I pulled it out to examine the damage. A single drop of blood oozed from the tiny cut. It all happened very quickly then. “No!” Edward roared. He threw himself at me, flinging me back across the table it fell, as I did, scattering the cake and the presents, the flowers and the plates. I landed in the mess of shattered crystal. Jasper slammed into Edward, and the sound was like the crash of boulders noise, a grisly snarling that seemed to be coming from deep in Jasper tried to shove past Edward, snapping his teeth just inches from Edward’s face.Emmet grabbed Jasper from behind in the next second, locking him into his massive steel grip, but Jasper struggled on, his wild, empty eyes focused only on me.Beyond the shock, there was also pain I’d tumbled down to the floor by the piano, with my arms thrown out instinctively to catch my fall into the jagged shards of glass, only now did I feel the searing, stinging pain that ran from my wrist to the crease inside my elbow. Dazed and disoriented, I looked up from the bright red blood pulsing out of my arms—into the fevered eyes of the six suddenly ravenous vampires.
I slammed the door of my ’53 chevy truck—a shower of rust specks fluttered down to the wet blacktop—-and walked slowly toward where they waited. Alice skipped forward to meet me. Her pixie face glowing under her spiky black hair.”Happy Birthday, Bella,!! Shh,!!” I hissed, glancing around the lot to make sure no one had heard her. The last thing I wanted was some kind of celebration of the black event. She ignored me, do you want to open your present now or letter?” she asked eagerly as we made our way to where Edward still waited” No present,” I protested in a mumble.
“Your radio has horrible reception,” I frowned. I did not like it when he picked 9on my truck, the truck was great it had personality. You want a nice stereo? drive your own car.” I was so nervous about Alice’s plans. On top of my already ready gloomy mood. That the words came out sharper than I’ d meant them. I was hardly ever bad tempered with Edward, and my tone made him press his lips together to keep from smiling.
“I landed in the mess of shattered crystal. Jasper slammed into Edward, and the sound was like the crash of boulders noise, a grisly snarling that seemed to be coming from deep in Jasper tried to shove past Edward, snapping his teeth just inches from Edward’s face.Emmet grabbed Jasper from behind in the next second, locking him into his massive steel grip, but Jasper struggled on, his wild, empty eyes focused only on me.Beyond the shock, thee was also pain I’d tumbled down to the floor by the piano, with my arms thrown out instinctively to catch my fall into the jagged shards of glass, only now did I feel the searing, stinging pain that ran from my wrist to the crease inside my elbow. Dazed and disoriented, I looked up from the bright red blood pulsing out of my arms—into the fevered eyes of the six suddenly ravenous vampire.
I have never felt so helpless, I didn’t know what to do, that first week –I thought I was going to have to hospitalize her, she wouldn’t eat or drink, she wouldn’t move. Dr. Grendy was throwing around words like ‘catatonic’ but I didn’t let him up to see her, I was afraid it would scare her.I have never seen Bella throw at fit like that, she was never one for the tantrums, but, boy, did she fly into a fury. She threw her clothes everywhere and screamed that we couldn’t make her leave—and then she finally started crying. I thought that would be the turning point.
We could hardly talk; I was so worried saying something that would upset her—the littlest things would make her flinch—and she never volunteered anything, she would just answer if I asked her something ,”she was a lone all the time, she didn’t call her friends back, and after a while, they stopped calling. “it was might of the living dead around here, I still hear her screaming in her sleep.
“It made me feel silly for ever worrying about keeping my promise. Where was the logic in sticking to an agreement that had already been violated by the other party? Who cared if I was recklessness and stupid? There was no reason to avoid recklessness, no reason why I should not get to be stupid.
“He’d made me promise before I was ten that I would never accept a ride on motorcycle. Even at that age, I did not have to think twice before promising. So many promise I kept—It clicked together for me then, I wanted to be stupid and reckless, and I wanted to break promises, why stop at one?
“As I began to loosen my grip, I was shocked to be interrupted lay voice that did not belong to the boy standing next to me. ”this is reckless and childish and idiotic, Bella” the velvet voice fumed.Oh!” I gasped, and my hand fell off the clutch. The bike bucked under me, yanking me forward and then collapsing to the ground half on top of me. The growing engine choked to a stop.
He took a deep breath.“Bella we are leaving”I took deep breath, too. This was an acceptable option. Though I was prepared. But I still had to ask. “why now? Another year‘’?Bella, it’s time. How much longer could we stay in fork, after all?Charlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he’s claiming thirty—three now, we’d have to start over soon regardless.
He looked away into the trees as he spoke again. Of course, I’ll always love you….in a way. “But what happened the other night made me realize that it’s time for a change. Because I’m—-tired of pretending to be something I’m not, Bella. I’m not human. ’’he looked back, and the icy planes of his perfect face were and I’m sorry for that.”You are not good for me, Bella. He turned his earlier words around, and so I had no argument. How well I knew that I wasn’t good enough for him.
“He is going to Italy”It took the length of one heartbeat for me to comprehend.(417)Well, I was not going to live without you, he’d said as we watched Romeo and Juliet die, here in this very room. But I was not sure how to do it—I know Emmet and Jasper would never help—so I was thinking may be I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Voltery. You don’t irritate them, not unless you want to die. Not unless you want to die.
”Bella, I went to Voltery because I thought you were dead. “he said, voice soft, eyes firce—“even if I’d had no hand in your death,”—-he shuddered as he whispered the last words—“even if it wasn’t my fault I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful- should have spoken to Alice directly rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But really, What was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral?The odds—“he muttered them, distracted his voice was so slow I wasn’t sure I heard it night. “The odds are always stacked against us, mistake after mistake. I’ll never criticize Romeo again. ”but I still don’t understand. I said. That’s my whole point so what if I was dead? ”excuse me?
“It just that, I know how you are unhappy a lot. And may be it doesn’t help anything, but I wanted you know that I’m always here. I won’t ever let you down—I promise that you can always count on me. Wow, that does sound corny, but you know that right? That I would never, ever hurt you? New Moon: 218)The impact of Bella’s conflict also gives impact to Jacob black who always stay besides her. Consequently, the vampire also hunts him in Lapush. It could found in the following statement:“I knew that Laurent had gone back to Victoria by now. If I went to Lapush, I took the chance of leading one of them there. What if they caught up to me when Jake was nearly? As much as it hurt me, I knew it was better for Jacob that he was a voiding me. Safer him.
“Why have you done, Jacob? He demanded.One of the others, one I didn’t recognize –Jared or Paul thrust pas Sam and spoke before Jacob defend himself.“Why can’t you just follow the rules, Jacob? He yelled, throwing his arms in the air.” What the hell are you thinking? Is she more important than everything—than the whole tribe? Than the people getting killed?” she can help.” Jacob said quickly.“Right, protect her !” Paul roared in outrange. Another shoulder, a convulsion, heaved through his body. He threw his head back, a real growl tearing from between his teeth.
“This was always the hardest part. Charlie, Renee, now Jacob, too. The people I would lose, the people I would hurt I wished there was some way that I could be the only one to suffer, but I knew that was impossible. At the same time, I was hurting them more by staying human. Putting Charlie in constant danger through my proximity. Putting Jake in worse danger still by drawing his enemies across the land he felt bound to protect. And Renee—I could not even risk a visit to see my own mother for fear of bringing my deadly problems along with me! .